Kokochi

Happiness

I've noticed recently T has jumped in development, expressing her personality in newer and deeper ways. Both Dav and I are enjoying this, connecting on yet another level with her. I am relishing our time together, as a family of three, before T's sister arrives and adds a new dimension.

After we get home from school and work, we usually sit around the living room with either T entertaining us, or Dav playing with her while I just sit with my big belly. Or as in this case below, I was cooking, while T put on a show for Dav.

Seeing her at this stage, as such a full complex happy being is so satisfying. Although I miss each stage as she keeps growing and changing, I also really look forward to seeing new parts of T. I am well aware of how incredibly hard it will be once T's sister is here, and we go through the zombie-like sleep-deprived first year. I hope we keep our sanity. But seeing T now is an affirmation that it's totally worth it for me. I love being a family.

Welcome shower for T's sister

She's not here yet, but I feel more ready, thanks to a wonderful total surprise baby shower thrown by Michelle and Gran Marie. I was floored, and really really surprised, not to mention incredibly touched.

Dav had marked off our Sunday with out-of-town guests coming (Jim & fam, you all were part of this!). I started Sunday by a leisurely breakfast followed by some cleaning. And since I imagined we'd miss evening bath time with the guests here, I convinced Tesla to hop in the bath after lunch. While she sploshed around, Michelle called me that she needed me to watch Fia for a bit. Without hesitation, I said of course, but I'd have to bring Fia back since T was in the tub. Dav had been working in the garage, and with perfect timing, came into the house so he could watch T while I ran to get Fia. I remember he took a moment to kiss me, which was nice but a bit of a surprise considering I was coming right back (or so I thought). When I walked to their house, woah! Friends and family yelled the big "surprise!" I choked up with emotions.

Luckily I had showered and wasn't wearing PJ's!

I was wisked away, surrounded by these lovely women. Dav watched T, Fia, and Maria-Rose while we lounged in the garden, ate yummy food, chatted, and omg, I got a foot spa session thanks to Elida!! Gran Maria and Auntie June did a welcoming ritual, bringing in safe loving energy to welcome T's sister.

I have a hard time being the center of attention like that, and when I had Tesla was shy letting Rachel throw a shower. It was lovely though. And I've been a part of many friends' gatherings to honor transitions with marriages, births, and moves, understanding that taking a moment together is really a nice thing. But I had no expectations with this pregnancy since this is my second, and I've also been so focused on work that the due date feels like it snuck up on me.

In my heart though, I have felt a bit bad since I haven't blogged much about my excitement for T's sister to later read to know how happy I am to have her soon. I haven't bought new things for her since I have a lot of T's old stuff, and know newborns really don't need much. So this shower was simply wonderful to provide a moment not just for me, but for everyone, to welcome T's sister (when she's ready). She deserves cute new outfits, including a super nice one from her Japanese grandmother who sent a gift via mail, a personalized psychic "reading" from Auntie June, and a happy mommy who now feels more ready and excited to give birth.

Thank you, all. I feel much better knowing how much we are all waiting to meet her. Now that I have experienced raising Tesla, I am really looking forward to seeing who she is.

 

 

Yummy food and good conversations.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Me getting a foot massage/spa.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tools of the ritual Auntie June and Gran Marie led.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Onesies we all decorated.

Rest in peace, my sweet Katsuo

I had to put my beloved Katsuo, who has been my buddy through thick and thin for 15 years, to sleep yesterday.

It is one of the hardest things I've had to do, but it was time. He suffered from heart disease, and although medication gave him a brief boost, he was withering away, and laboring to breathe. I noticed Thursday night he didn't snuggle with me at bedtime. Every night for his whole life, his and my happy spot has been when he takes his regular place by my left shoulder, snuggled up, me hugging him, him purring. For him not to join me meant he really didn't feel well. By Saturday morning, I knew he had sunken deeper.

I called a friend vet, as well as made our regular vet office make time for me for one last consultation. I wanted to be sure I wasn't acting too early. My main goal, throughout all this, wasn't to be selfish and make him hang on, and to help his passing be as painless as possible. The vet was kind enough to say indeed it was time. So I took him home, and made an appointment for Sunday with a vet who does house calls, wanting Katsuo to be in our bed, with me holding him as I usually do. But by afternoon, I was scared of waiting, and fearful he would suffer too much through the night. So I called our regular vet to make an appointment to put him to sleep yesterday at their office. I knew it was right, and that my poor Kats really needed this. I had an hour to wait before taking him in, and lay by his side petting him, soaking in as much as I could.

Dav came to support me, and Gwenhael, who was with me when we brought Katsuo and Wakame home as baby kittens in San Diego, drove over from the east bay to say good-bye. This was important knowing that Katsuo was really loved. The vet was caring, and when I said yes, provided first a calming drug, then the main drug. I was petting Kats and kissing him the whole time. It was quick, and his eyes remained open so there was no indication that he actually passed until the vet checked his heartbeat. We remained with him for an extra 15 minutes until I finally let him go.

He was an old cat, and what happened makes sense to me, although it's still very hard to let go. I am glad he had a wonderful, full life, spoiled, cared for like family, with complete access to me. I loved Kats a lot as a real companion.

I got him from the pound, along with his sister, the runt of the litter. They were glued together and I just couldn't seperate them so although I meant to get just 1 cat, I brought home 2. In all their kitten pictures, they are huddled together. They were so skittish that I didn't get to touch them for the first month; I even called the pound asking why they were so abnormal. They hid behind the fridge or under the sofa for many weeks. I brought them food and water, and very gradually, gained their trust. Then they were the most snuggly kittens, although remained completely fearful of strangers for pretty much a decade. When I had guests over, I always cared for how frightened they'd become, providing a safe hiding place. In the last 5 years, at our bustling house, they finally opened up and relaxed. But I will always treasure what seemed like a very special relationship - to have gained their complete trust when they were essentially very fearful cats. It warms me to feel that I was able to provide Kats a life full of love.

As my mom said, "諸行無常, ”Everything is evanescent. Nothing is constant. I felt it when Tesla was born, noting how quickly Tesla was changing and how I couldn't stop time when I kept wanting to hold onto each moment forever. And I feel it now, having to accept that life's changes took over, and I had to let go of Katsuo. I will give birth in 2 months, and a new cycle will begin.

All I can think of now is how grateful I am to have had Kats. That he was with me when I moved to Japan and back, married Dav, and had Tesla. He brought so much warmth to me. I still have Wakame, but between the two, Kats was the bigger snuggler, always wanting to be close to me. I will miss that, along with his swaggering walk, his head-butting for attention, his loud purring, and his magestic look (I always thought he was very kingly and handsome for a cat).

Rest in peace, my beloved. I will always love you. Thank you for being so much to me.

Last pic of Kats Kats the master lounger

 

 

 

 

 

Majestic Kats Snuggling with Tesla as a baby

Tesla and Kats checking each other out Siblings When Kats was young in San Diego. Middle pic is just arriving from the pound with Wakame, about 8 weeks old. 

Coding at Six Apart

Love this:

Awesome job. Miss the Six Apart super team!!!

My wish for Tesla and her sister...

From time to time, I imagine what life lessons I want to pass on to Tesla and her soon-to-emerge sister. I hope to impart some wisdom from what I have learned so she can grow even farther than I have. Maybe in 10 years, my thoughts will be outdated, and will seem quaint to her; who knows.

But an underlying wish I have for Tesla and her sister is to have the courage and freedom to be who they truly are, in whatever color or shape that is. I hope they don't get boggled down too much by the "should do this" or "should be that" imperatives that school and society tend to emphasize (and are a waste of time) even though we live in the most open and free city I know. It took me a while to fully come into myself, learning what was best & true for me. I simply hope Tesla and her sister confidently explore their interests and desires. I don't mean this in a selfishly focused way that disregards important people & events around them; I mean in the sense of paying attention to the fire in the belly, and respecting who they really are.

Like this dancer, B-Girl Bouillabaisse, who "dropped out" of a traditional route to find her own way.

 

 

Rug burns

Dav mistakenly gave T a rug burn when roughhousing the other day. All good, but after applying a new band-aid to her rug burn after bath, and Dav apologized for it, T said, "I will put a sign on you that says, 'don't give Tesla a rug burn today...actually everyday.'"

7 months

7 months kinda snuck up on me. I actually thought I was still 6 months, but at my recent check-up, I realized I'm in the last trimester now! Because I'm so engrossed in work, the pregnancy has gone by quickly; yet because I feel so much bigger and more awkward than with Tesla, there is a part of me thinking, "3 more months?" I waddle now, breathe hard when climbing stairs, and sometimes get stuck in positions where Dav needs to shove me or pull me out.  Being almost 5 years older than when I had T surely has something to do with it, but having a 2nd child is also a reason. My body got into full swing pregnancy mode from the get-go.

Overall, all good. Itching is my first complaint, followed by heart burn. One thing different from the pregnancy with Tesla is with her, I didn't have expectations, and although I enjoyed pregnancy, I didn't feel particularly connected to her in utero since I didn't know it was Tesla. Does that make sense? Now I know who she is and have a profound love for her, but she was abstract when in the belly. And I was so focused on how having a baby would change Dav and my blissful couplehood, I liked staying pregnant since it gave us more time just to be the two of us.

However, with this 2nd one, I do feel more attached because she is T's sister. That makes this baby already have an identify for me. I find myself definitely eager to meet her, and really looking forward to seeing what she looks like, seeing her with Tesla, seeing how she is unique. There are days when I can't wait : )

I owe Ele a picture of this top and jeans. The top is so comfortable but still manages to look nice. From the front, you can almost not notice the belly, no?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

See that little white animal below the green bench? That's a capibara the mascot of Nifty in Japan. T loves that little guy.

March 3rd, Girls' day

We have T's hinasama girls' day dolls up at home, but haven't taken our annual picture yet. However, Google Japan cutely had this up yesterday, when it was March 3rd in Japan.

Happy Girls' Day!

My maternity fashion consultant

I am one lucky pregnant lady. Just as I was really not looking forward to getting dressed each morning, trying to wiggle into clothes, using my bella band to cover up my protruding belly, Ele, owner of Love In Bloom Maternity, sent me a personalized box of oh-so-lovely goodies to try on. I can purchase what I want, and send back what doesn't fit. Brilliant thing is I am not the type to go shopping/hunting for maternity wear, let alone have the time to roam around shops. After telling Ele that I wished I had just a few nice items to wear but didn't have the will to go get them, she sent this amazing box. Today I am wearing fancy pants and a lovely top. I feel like a new woman, a fashionista, and pretty : )

Back when Ele was doing market research for her store, she interviewed me. I warned her I was probably off the charts in terms of her target market, and sure enough, my responses to her questions were basically how I never went shopping, couldn't justify spending much $ on maternity items that I'd wear for a few months, etc. Plus, being rounder than normal just makes shopping hard since when you look in the mirror, you know, it's just not the same. My eyes would go to cool tops that wouldn't fit.

Ele has opened a beautiful and successful boutique in Raleigh, NC, and I am thrilled to get her fashion help. As much as I am not into buying maternity wear, I do want to look nice. I love her taste and am so happy! Plus now I know that even after birth, I will need forgiving clothes for quite some time. In the end, she is so right about how important it is to feel good while being pregnant.

Thank you Ele for caring,  and making it easy for me! With these new clothes today, I feel pretty awesome!

 

 

A bit about my new work

Where to start? I have lots to gush about, but we are very much in start-up mode so things need to cook a bit before it will make sense or become apparent. On the inside though, I feel I am smack in a phenomenl opportunity, almost as if I just found myself in a movie, at the beginning of an interesting narrative about to happen. I still can't believe I landed the job. Several perfect timing/perfect place situations happened that it seemed almost choreographed.

Anyway, I find myself working for GREE Inc., Japan's largest social mobile gaming network (US market site coming soon). A small group just arrived from the Tokyo Headquarters, renting a temporary corporate office in the financial district. I was the only local hire until a few days ago, and still am the only native English speaker. Everyone speaks super good English, but we all speak Japanese in the office. We know this will change as soon as we hire a non-Japanese speaker, and we are focusing on creating a non-Japanese office ; )

GREE is huge at 24 million users in Japan. Opening an office here is the first step to an international presence. Although they have figured out in detail what works for the Japan market with stunning success (freemium with in-app upgrade/virtual goods purchasing), they are investing to build from scratch specifially for the US market. I like that approach.

So...it's like a start-up, but multiple times better since we have the HQ investment and a solidly  established brand in Japan. When we talk to people in the industry here, they know GREE and it's nice to easily get their attention. However, our challenge is  building from ground up, meaning we need to hire, grow a local office culture, create great games, and establish our brand in the U.S..

I am new to games. Frankly, I don't play games, and it is a mystery to me how much money people spend on games. However, I'm learning a lot, and have a newfound respect for games. I'm learning games can be a means to an end, an end that can have social implications and social use if applied well. The industry at large is just at the beginning of exploring what makes mainstream people want to play games and be involved. It seems that the next step thereafter - applying games to a deeper use - will come now that mobile technology is more ubiquitous. Whatever happens, getting involved in the mobile space will be great for me in whatever I do in the future.

We are at the start; I'm just enjoying the fact that I get to participate in building the GREE brand internationally. Anyone interested, feel free to ping me! Although 6 months pregnant (and the company is super cool with me about it), I am energized to be involved in what feels like the start of a rare company narrative. Just wish I were able to work longer days since it's so exciting.

:  )