Rest in peace, my sweet Katsuo

I had to put my beloved Katsuo, who has been my buddy through thick and thin for 15 years, to sleep yesterday.

It is one of the hardest things I've had to do, but it was time. He suffered from heart disease, and although medication gave him a brief boost, he was withering away, and laboring to breathe. I noticed Thursday night he didn't snuggle with me at bedtime. Every night for his whole life, his and my happy spot has been when he takes his regular place by my left shoulder, snuggled up, me hugging him, him purring. For him not to join me meant he really didn't feel well. By Saturday morning, I knew he had sunken deeper.

I called a friend vet, as well as made our regular vet office make time for me for one last consultation. I wanted to be sure I wasn't acting too early. My main goal, throughout all this, wasn't to be selfish and make him hang on, and to help his passing be as painless as possible. The vet was kind enough to say indeed it was time. So I took him home, and made an appointment for Sunday with a vet who does house calls, wanting Katsuo to be in our bed, with me holding him as I usually do. But by afternoon, I was scared of waiting, and fearful he would suffer too much through the night. So I called our regular vet to make an appointment to put him to sleep yesterday at their office. I knew it was right, and that my poor Kats really needed this. I had an hour to wait before taking him in, and lay by his side petting him, soaking in as much as I could.

Dav came to support me, and Gwenhael, who was with me when we brought Katsuo and Wakame home as baby kittens in San Diego, drove over from the east bay to say good-bye. This was important knowing that Katsuo was really loved. The vet was caring, and when I said yes, provided first a calming drug, then the main drug. I was petting Kats and kissing him the whole time. It was quick, and his eyes remained open so there was no indication that he actually passed until the vet checked his heartbeat. We remained with him for an extra 15 minutes until I finally let him go.

He was an old cat, and what happened makes sense to me, although it's still very hard to let go. I am glad he had a wonderful, full life, spoiled, cared for like family, with complete access to me. I loved Kats a lot as a real companion.

I got him from the pound, along with his sister, the runt of the litter. They were glued together and I just couldn't seperate them so although I meant to get just 1 cat, I brought home 2. In all their kitten pictures, they are huddled together. They were so skittish that I didn't get to touch them for the first month; I even called the pound asking why they were so abnormal. They hid behind the fridge or under the sofa for many weeks. I brought them food and water, and very gradually, gained their trust. Then they were the most snuggly kittens, although remained completely fearful of strangers for pretty much a decade. When I had guests over, I always cared for how frightened they'd become, providing a safe hiding place. In the last 5 years, at our bustling house, they finally opened up and relaxed. But I will always treasure what seemed like a very special relationship - to have gained their complete trust when they were essentially very fearful cats. It warms me to feel that I was able to provide Kats a life full of love.

As my mom said, "諸行無常, ”Everything is evanescent. Nothing is constant. I felt it when Tesla was born, noting how quickly Tesla was changing and how I couldn't stop time when I kept wanting to hold onto each moment forever. And I feel it now, having to accept that life's changes took over, and I had to let go of Katsuo. I will give birth in 2 months, and a new cycle will begin.

All I can think of now is how grateful I am to have had Kats. That he was with me when I moved to Japan and back, married Dav, and had Tesla. He brought so much warmth to me. I still have Wakame, but between the two, Kats was the bigger snuggler, always wanting to be close to me. I will miss that, along with his swaggering walk, his head-butting for attention, his loud purring, and his magestic look (I always thought he was very kingly and handsome for a cat).

Rest in peace, my beloved. I will always love you. Thank you for being so much to me.

Last pic of Kats Kats the master lounger

 

 

 

 

 

Majestic Kats Snuggling with Tesla as a baby

Tesla and Kats checking each other out Siblings When Kats was young in San Diego. Middle pic is just arriving from the pound with Wakame, about 8 weeks old. 

Comments

[Peter]

Mie,
I just saw your beautiful tribute to Kat. I truly know how dear Kat was to you. Our current cat Cleo, who you and Dave have met, is approaching 18 years old next month. She is getting old, but still goes to the door whenever anyone arrives- an extremely sociable critter. We know that her days are numbered but are in denial about this. We picked her from a litter that a woman had brought to a farmer's market in her van, and we looked at the litter and picked her. She has brought us much joy throughout the years and we love her dearly. Pets are incredibly strong members of one's family to those who can accept them as such . It made me feel closer to you and Dav to know how you feel.

Peter

[Eva]

I am glad you allowed him to pass in peace and with dignity and spared him suffering. Like you and your mom say, life is fluid, and sometimes one part of life ends to make space for another. Maybe Kats' passing is a signifier for the start of a new season of life with two children. And for that I wish you much happiness!

[いずみ]

Sorry for your lost but きっと見守ってくれているね！！

[Helen]

tears tears tears! oh my goodness, what a lovely tribute but so sad.

[twitter.com/anjepani]

Rest in peace Katsuo.
Sorry to hear of your loss Mie.
I recently also had to make the decision to put down my 15 year old Hendrix and know something of what you must feel. Holding them at the end is heart-breaking. Such constant companions and dear creatures.
My thoughts and sympathy to you,
Anne

[T]

What a wonderful story of a majestic life. I feel for you as he was such an important family member.